Saturday, December 26, 2015

Lies I Tell My Toddler

Photograph: Peter Glass/Getty Images
No one likes to admit they are a liar, but we all are in small ways. You might tell your co-worker that you have a stomach bug to avoid telling them you're in the throes of morning sickness. Maybe you've told your boss that you needed to take a sick day when in reality, you just needed a mental health day of streaming Netflix in your PJs. I've discovered that my aptitude for deception has increased significantly since becoming a parent. Sometimes you have to tell these sweet beguiling creatures a fib or two so you can get through the day, amiright? Below are just a few of the lies I tell my toddler:

  • Oh, I'm sorry baby, the children's museum is closed today.
  • We can't watch Daniel Tiger because he had to take a nap (alternately I use, go night-night, go to the potty...basically insert whatever activity I'm attempting to coerce my child into).
  • No, mommy isn't eating candy, it's grown-up medicine.
I've also been known to tell my son that the crispy layers of oven-roasted brussels sprouts are "chips" and that roasted red potatoes are "french fries". It's not ill-meant, but sometimes that little lie saves the day. 

I recently read some epic fibs that other parents have told their kiddos that I'm saving for the future. My favorite? Chuck E. Cheese is only for birthday parties and we haven't been invited to one today. BRILLIANT. Parenting win.

So, what lies have you told your littles?