Sunday, April 19, 2015

The Skinny on DE-IVF


When I tell people we struggled with infertility, people usually nod and lean in to hear more about our story. They ask if we did IVF because that's a term people are familiar with even if they don't know what all it entails. When I tell them we did IVF with a donor egg, I frequently get blank stares. In light of National Infertility Awareness Week, I thought I'd break down what DE-IVF is, how it worked for us, and some answers to the questions I often receive.


What is DE-IVF? 

For starters, let me start with a quick definition of IVF. In Vitro Fertilization is a reproductive technology in which an egg is removed from a woman, joined with a sperm cell from a man in a test tube (in vitro). The cells then fuse to form a single cell which continues to divide, becoming an embryo. The embryo is then transferred to the woman's uterus to (hopefully) implant.


The main difference with DE-IVF is that you have two women involved. Your egg donor and your embryo recipient. We went with an anonymous egg donor we selected through our infertility clinic. 


Why did you need an egg donor?
For unknown reasons, I had a "severely diminished ovarian reserve" and "poor egg quality". Women are born with all the eggs they will ever have. For some reason, when I went through my preliminary infertility testing at 29, my egg reserve and egg quality were more suited to a 40 year old. Even if I were to pursue IVF using my own eggs, the odds of them fertilizing, making it to the embryo stage, and implanting were less than 2%. My uterus was, to quote my doctor, "Beautiful". I had the goods to carry a pregnancy, but not the eggs to kick it off. Our chance of pregnancy with egg donation was 85% and we liked those odds. 

How did it work?
Since there are two parties involved, we had to both go on a cocktail of medications to coordinate our cycles. This process takes about two months and involves more alcohol swabs and sharps containers than I'd care to remember. Once we were on the same reproductive page, our donor went through all the steps of IVF up until embryo transfer. While she was taking drugs to stimulate her ovaries, I was taking daily injections, pills and hormone patches to make my uterus a veritable Walt Disney World for an embryo (the happiest place on earth, get it?) :) 

This was just a third of all the meds/needles we used. :/
Our donor was closely monitored during the stimulation period, and when it was clear that the eggs were ready to be retrieved she took a trigger shot and I did the same. We actually triggered on my birthday and our donor had her eggs retrieved on Mother's Day. I took this all as the universe bestowing major good juju upon us! Once the eggs were retrieved they were fertilized using my husband's sperm and we waited for the report on how many eggs fertilized successfully and of those, how many grew to the blastocyst stage (5 day old embryo). 

We had plenty of eggs fertilize and what our embryologist referred to as a "rockstar" embryo for transfer. Our embryo transfer went smoothly and 8 days after transfer we received the blood test results that we were indeed pregnant. 

Arlo, as a 5 day embryo...our rockstar.

Was it hard to select a donor?
Yes. We reviewed hundreds of donor profiles. Our clinic did an thorough job of screening all egg donation applicants. They went through interviews, psychological screenings, and provided full genetic background information and health histories, but you are selecting someone who will be genetically linked to your child and that's a heavy decision to make. I also had to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be passing my genes on to my offspring. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I came to a peace with it and knew that if this worked for us, I would have the joy of carrying this baby, nurturing him and being his mother and that that counts for so much more than 0.1% of his genes. (Side note: Did you know that 99.9% of your genes are shared with all humans and only 0.1% of our genes result in the variations we see?) Plus now that Arlo is here, people tell me all the time how much he looks like me. I think it's because I did such a kick ass job of cooking him for not 40, but 41 weeks. 

So, you aren't his real mom? 
This one sounds so much worse than I know people intend for it to come out. Yes, I am his real mom. I hoped and prayed for this little life for 7 years. I went to incredible lengths to prepare myself to carry him and was disciplined about what I did (and didn't) eat and drink during my pregnancy. I labored and pushed him screaming into this world and have nurtured, held, rocked, sang, fed, diapered and snuggled him through his first year of life. I am his real mom. (P.S. you don't have to experience pregnancy to be a real mom either).
This looks like a momma to me. :)
Are you going to tell him?
Absolutely. I've been telling him about his story for a while now. I've whispered to him about the special woman who gave us an incredible gift so we could have a baby while rocking him at night. As he gets older and can understand more we will share more age-appropriate details, but we plan to be very open with him. There are some really precious children's books that help open up the conversation and make it a part of his story from an early age. It really is a beautiful story to tell and I want him to grow up knowing just how loved and wanted he was and still is. 

What if he wants to meet the donor someday? 
We will support him in that endeavor. Our donor was anonymous, but there is a database where donors can provide their contact information and recipients can provide theirs in the event that both parties want to connect. We will cross that bridge when we get there, but I would hug her neck so hard and gratefully thank her for helping me become a mother.

Infertility impacts 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age and can be a very isolating disease to face. If you aren't in the trenches of this fight, 1 in 8 is someone you know. If you are one of the 1 in 8, know that you are not alone. RESOLVE, the national infertility association, can provide support and resources. They also work tirelessly on behalf of the infertility community to bring awareness to the disease and educate our legislators and insurance companies. I'm here too! Contact me if you need an ear, or have questions that you aren't comfortable posting. I am so thankful that we live in an age where there are multiple family building options available and hope that all the parents-to-be find their path.



27 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story! It's such a miracle to be out the other end of it with a babe in your arms. And real mom??? My blood pressure went up just thinking about someone saying something like that to you. Unreal.

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    1. I think that 99% of the time this slips out because people are startled at how much we favor one another. "Wait, what? You're not his real mom?" or "I would have had no idea he wasn't yours!" It's not meant to be malicious, but I think the more people learn about egg donation, the less those type of comments will happen. :)

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      Hello all viewer online HIV has cure but doctor said Hiv/Aids has no cure until i met Dr SAYO who help me in my life. I was infected with HIV/AIDS in 2008, i went to many hospitals for cure but there was no solution, so I was thinking how can I get a solution, so that my body can be okay. until this faithful day as i was browsing the net I saw a testimony on how Dr.SAYO helped people in curing HIV Disease, quickly I copied his Email which is sayoherbalhealer@gmail.com so i contacted him for solution for my HIV, so Dr.SAYO told me that his going to prepare herbal medicine for my health, then he prepared the medicine and luckily after two week my Hiv/Aids was be cured. Dr SAYO is well recognize as one of the best herbalist doctor in Africa, you don't have to be sad anymore or share your tears anymore on this disease when the cure have already be found by Dr.SAYO herbal medicine, he so cure HERPES,CANCER, ALS,HEPATITIS B, DIABETIC check his FB page:  https://www.facebook.com/Sayo-Herbal-Healer-100145798345000/ OR visit his websites website; http://sayoherbalhealer.website2.me/  check blog: https://sayoherbalhealer.blogspot.com/    


















































































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  2. Thank you for sharing, that's a really beautiful story Mr.Arlo has! You are his amazing mama!! People are stupid and people say stupid things, you are a class act to handle it so well! Well done mama!

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    1. Chrisi! I just clicked over to your blog and love your spirit and writing! So glad we have connected through Holly. :)

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  3. Fellow DEIVF mama here -- I found your blog through the #NIAW on Instagram.

    This is such a great post. You break it down so eloquently! My blog (Onfecundthought.com -- no way to link to it in the options below) is password-protected but I am very open about our DEIVF in real life.

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    1. Hi there! Thanks so much for reading and connecting! I just shot you an email so we can link up and I can follow your posts. :)

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  4. You're so brave to share this story! Stories like yours remind me of how very lucky I was to conceive Mac so easily. You are indeed your little Arlo's mama, and there's nothing that will ever change that!! And just by following, I can see that you're a great mama! Hugs to you!! XOXO

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Lyndi! And I meant to post a belated happy birthday to little Mr. Mac! That first year sure flies, right!?

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  5. Well said my friend!!!! Our boys will always know how loved they are.

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    1. They most certainly will! Hope you and your little miracle are doing well. I can't get enough of his sweet pictures!

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  14. Hi guys I'm TIM , I was disorganized because i had a very small penis, about 2.0 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy my woman, I have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this herbal doctor called Dr Aziba and decided to contact him on WhatsApp with his mobile no (+2348100368288) I saw on the internet, I decided to give his herbal product a try. he gave me some comforting words with his herbal product for Penis Enlargement, Within A week of use I began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 3 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and I had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend, I was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr Aziba I also learn that Dr Aziba also help with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement, Low Sperm Count, If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_ hips_ bums do get to Dr Aziba contact him now on his mobile no, or add him up on WhatsApp (+2348100368288) Email ( Priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com )

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  15. Hi guys I'm TIM , I was disorganized because i had a very small penis, about 2.0 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy my woman, I have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this herbal doctor called Dr Aziba and decided to contact him on WhatsApp with his mobile no (+2348100368288) I saw on the internet, I decided to give his herbal product a try. he gave me some comforting words with his herbal product for Penis Enlargement, Within A week of use I began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 3 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and I had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend, I was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr Aziba I also learn that Dr Aziba also help with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement, Low Sperm Count, If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_ hips_ bums do get to Dr Aziba contact him now on his mobile no, or add him up on WhatsApp (+2348100368288) Email ( Priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com )

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  16. Hi guys I'm TIM , I was disorganized because i had a very small penis, about 2.0 inches soft and 4 inches hard not nice enough to satisfy my woman, I have been in so many relationship, but cut off because of my situation, i have used so many product which doctors prescribe for me, but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments on the internet about this herbal doctor called Dr Aziba and decided to contact him on WhatsApp with his mobile no (+2348100368288) I saw on the internet, I decided to give his herbal product a try. he gave me some comforting words with his herbal product for Penis Enlargement, Within A week of use I began to feel the enlargement of my penis, " and now it just 3 weeks of using his products my penis is about 9 inches longer, and I had to settle out with my Ex girlfriend, I was surprised when she said that she is satisfied with my sex and i have got a large penis. Am so happy, thanks to Dr Aziba I also learn that Dr Aziba also help with Breast Enlargement Hips and Bums Enlargement, Low Sperm Count, If you are in any situation with a little Penis, weak ejaculation, small breast_ hips_ bums do get to Dr Aziba contact him now on his mobile no, or add him up on WhatsApp (+2348100368288) Email ( Priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com )

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow finally a story I can relate too. I was just diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and I am 28. Good to know there is light with all this uncertainty. We are also going to pursue egg donation and IVF if possible. Thank you for sharing! And congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Omg I Finally Got Helped  !! I'm so excited right now, I just have to share my testimony on this Forum.. The feeling of being loved takes away so much burden from our shoulders. I had all this but I made a big mistake when I cheated on my wife with another woman  and my wife left me for over 4 months after she found out..  I was lonely, sad and devastated. Luckily I was directed to a very powerful spell caster Dr Emu who helped me cast a spell of reconciliation on our Relationship and he brought back my wife and now she loves me far more than ever.. I'm so happy with life now. Thank you so much Dr Emu, kindly Contact  Dr Emu Today and get any kind of help you want.. Via Email emutemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp +2347012841542

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  19. This testimony is worth sharing to the world. I am here to tell the world of the good works of  Dr BALBOSA. My name is Olivia Bolton am from the UK.. My man left me and my kids for another older woman. It was not so easy for me.. I love my husband so much and I did not lose hope and I kept praying and God finally answered my prayers...i searched online for a spell caster to help me unite me and my lover back forever and i saw so many testimonies of  how DR BALBOSA has helped so many people online and i decided to give him a trial … I contacted him and explained to him. He told me not to worry that he will bring back my man within 24 hours. He consulted his powers and assured me not to worry . He did his work and cast the spell and to my greatest surprise, my husband came back the same day begging and crying  just as  Dr BALBOSA said. He begged me for forgiveness and he promised never to leave me for any reason. We are happy and we live together as one. Contact Dr BALBOSA now on: balbosasolutionhome@gmail.com and you can also contact him on WHATSAPP/CALLS +2347048047728... don't lose hope have a lovely day 

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  20. It breaks my heart to know that people are hurting so badly that they are desperate to get their love lives back. For anyone hurting right now, I want you to worry no more for your Ex lover/partner will come back to you so you can feel whole again and I truly mean that. When my wife left me, Lord Zakuza was the man I contacted that helped me to get my wife back with his powerful spell within 48 hours and I can never forget the day I meant Lord Zakuza for he's spells perform GREAT MIRACLES. Get in touch with Lord Zakuza now for he's like a God on earth that can get your EX lover back within 48 hours with his powerful spell. You can go get in touch with him through his website via: https: lordzakuzaspells.com or Email via: Lordzakuza7 @ gmail. com or WhatsApp/ text via this number +1 740 573 9483.

    ReplyDelete