Sunday, December 28, 2014

Do you validate?


Truth time folks. I don't always feel 100% fulfilled in my new role as a mother. Let me give you a little background. I'm pretty sure I came out of the womb hard-wired to be a people pleaser and rule-follower. I was the kid that teachers loved in school. Eager to please, meet deadlines, and over-achieve. My senior year in high school the faculty voted on 10 students who exemplified citizenship and leadership and you guessed it, I was one of them. I've thrived in jobs where I get frequent feedback on my work and excel in the end-of-year review. It's kind of my jam. "Exceeds Expectations" CHECK, "Bonus Recommended" CHECK.

Now that I'm not working full time outside of the home, there is a deficiency in the validation department. I'm still doing some consulting work, but it's not the same as being in the office, getting the "Atta Girl" after a successful project is delivered or major kudos from your team after you wrap an event.

My biggest projects and events now center around my 10.5 month old son.  Sometimes the doldrums of the day-to-day can wear on you. Feed, Diaper, Play, Wash, Rinse, Repeat. Don't get me wrong...the rewards of parenthood are rich! When he smiles a big gummy grin at me, tries to repeat a word I'm teaching him, or masters a new milestone, I am so overwhelmed with pride! These moments are precious, and I'm not discounting their value. But there is something to be said for finding value in myself outside of my role as "Arlo's Mom."

When I first started to really think this through, I gave myself a stern talking to. "You are a grown ass woman, Lindsey! Validate yourself!" But then I backed off and realized that this is part of who I am. I do feel that I bring value to my family in my role as a mother, but it might not fill up my cup completely. That's okay. In fact, it shouldn't have to. There is a lot more to me than just being a mother. 

Have any of you faced similar feelings upon becoming a parent? 

12 comments:

  1. not a parent (yet) but as a type A person I do have concerns how I will handle life becoming unorganized and unpredictable in some respects when kiddos do enter our lives. When these thoughts creep into my mind I pray and ask God to continually remind me that I am enough and that he created me for a specific purpose. Hope this helps. You are enough too!

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  2. I have definitely felt similar feelings, I too have always thrived on completed checklist and "gold-stars". When thoughts of not enough creep in, I try to remind myself that my parenting is thee most important job I will ever have and the fruits of my labor may not always get the stadium applause I feel it deserve from time to time lol but I do rest in the fact that I can physically see the good. Your baby boy is still pretty little but soon, you'll be able to see all the love, time and care you've showered him with will manifest and your biggest and constant and (cutest) reward will be the reminder that you raised an awesome little replica of you :)

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    1. Seriously the hardest and most rewarding job there is! I'm glad I'm in good company and not the only one who has felt this way!

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  3. I agree with the above, parenting is the most important job in the world. And I am sure that you excel at that! And when your little man gets older he will tell you that a million times over. :)

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    1. I'm telling you, that first "I love you mommy" will be the best!

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  4. We should be BFF's...you put the thoughts I had when I first became a mom into the perfect words! Not having that structure, the validation from others, etc was really hard to adjust to. It's been 6 years since my first was born and I'm FINALLY used to the messy-beautiful-chaos and have FINALLY learned to just go with it. But I understand exactly how you feel. Your sweet baby is young still, but soon you'll be able to see how all the love and time you're spending with him is affecting his growth. It's a wonderful, wonderful time!

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    1. It is a bit of a muddling and existential time, the first year. SO much changes, mostly for the better, but wow! Happy you stopped by, I'm in the market for an online BFF! ;)

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  5. I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I feel like being a mom is so mundane...but I love it otherwise

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    1. It can feel like life is stuck on replay some days!

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  6. I don't have any kiddos yet, but I can envision myself feeling similarly because I love me some gold stars!

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    1. Thanks for your feedback! These comments have been like tiny electronic gold stars. :)

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