Monday, January 1, 2018

Conversation


My husband and I used to talk. Like really talk. About our days, about our plans, about our goals, about TV shows, about sports, about favorite recipes, about the type of vacations we wanted to take, etc. etc. Then we had a child. Quickly our conversations evolved into to-do lists, mono-syllabic grunts, whispered words over the head of a sleeping baby, or when little ears are nearby the spelling of illicit words ("it's almost N-A-P time" "Where's the C-A-N-D-Y?).

Now our baby is almost four and he has ALL THE WORDS. So many words. They bubble up out of him from the moment he wakes until the moment he drifts back to sleep. Now our margin for real conversation is even smaller. Our talks tend to go like this:

Me: Hey babe, let's talk about this weekend and our plans

Hubs: Great, I want to get an early start on Saturday and...

Arlo: Mommy, Daddy, I can't get this LEGO pulled apart!

Me: Here you go, love. So you were saying, an early start?

Hubs: Yeah, I'd like to hit the road no later than 8:30 to miss the traffic and that way we can get to...

Arlo: Hey guys! PWEW PWEW PWEW (Star Wars laser blasting noises) I'm Darf Vader!

Hubs: Yeah bud, you are, let me finish talking to mom for a minute, Okay?

Me: ...that way we can get to???

Hubs: Huh?

Me: You were saying 'that way we can get to' ?

Hubs: Oh yeah, that way were can get to that Mexican place we love by lunch time and then still make it to Dad's before it gets dark and we could...

Arlo: I'm hungry!

Me & Hubs: SWEET FANCY MOSES!

So yeah, I know other parents can relate. And I know I only have one child, and can only imagine the chaos with multiple kiddos at once. We tend to save important conversations for post-bedtime, but lets get real, who has the stamina to talk after full days of work, school, errands, forcing children to eat-their-damn-dinner, and household chores? I just want to collapse on the couch, and mindlessly stare into my phone screen or mindlessly stream something on Netflix. My brain and my words need a time out. 

So we do date nights (which we love) at least once a month, and we talk, and we flirt, and we remember what it was like when we could complete a sentence and thought without fixing a broken toy, or shoveling out snacks. 

I guess the frequency of the conversation doesn't matter as much in this stage as the fact that you still want to make the effort to talk to the one you're with. Life will ebb and flow as it does. Our son will be grown in a flash, and we will have the luxury of long conversations and dreaming again. But today, I'll make a to-do list on the chalkboard in our kitchen and make a quick note in my phone of things I don't want to forget to tell him, and if I can keep my eyes open to make thoughtful words, I may remember to tell him tonight.


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