How I Stopped Bedtime Drama

For months, I did the bedtime routine I'm sure that many of you are familiar with:

1. Soothing Bathtime
2. Brush teeth
3. PJs
4. Read books
5. Prayers
6. Hugs & kisses
7. Sleepy time

Only ours never went this smoothly. It was more like this:

1. Exuberant Bathtime...splash all the water out of the tub soaking mommy in the process.
2. Bargain with toddler to brush his teeth and end up doing it for him.
3. Wrestle toddler into pajamas while he jumps on the bed.
4. Pick out a minimum of 5 books. Read each book a minimum of 3 times.
5. Say prayers. Thank God for Daniel Tiger, Goldfish crackers and the park, you know, the important stuff.
6. Give hugs and kisses. Just one more, and another.
7. Toddler asks for water.
8. Toddler asks for a snack.
9. Toddler asks for a back rub.
10. Toddler finally drifts off after having his back rubbed for 20 minutes. 
11. Mommy leaves the room.
12. Toddler is awake and upset that his back is no longer being rubbed.
13. Repeat steps 4 - 10 as necessary.

This exhausting routine went on night after night because I believed that this song and dance would lull my son into peaceful slumber and give me good mom bonus points because I was doing all the things "good" moms do. One night I decided I was done. After getting my son dressed for bed, I tucked him in, kissed his forehead, told him I loved him and that I'd see him in the morning. I turned around and left the room. BOOM. Mic Drop. Mom's out. No stories, no prayers, no requests for water and snacks. Just no. I waited in the other room for him to run out of his room raising all kinds of holy hell that mommy didn't follow the bedtime schtick. But here's the thing...he didn't. He FREAKING WENT TO SLEEP!

We have repeated the simplified bedtime every night for the last month. And sweet fancy Moses, it has been a game changer. I don't dread bedtime each night. I've recouped an hour of my day to spend alone with my husband, and amazingly our son is sleeping better. 

That's not to say that he doesn't peek his head out of his bedroom down the hallway at me after I've put him to bed. What has changed is that I do not engage. I no longer fly down the hallway to tuck him back in and start the routine anew. I tell him (from my comfy chair) "Hey Bubba, it's time to rest your body. Get back into bed." and that's that. He scampers up into his bed and typically when I check on him a few minutes later he's fast asleep clutching a truck, or frisbee, or whatever item has become precious to him that day.

For our boy, a simple bedtime is best. And once I let go of the ridiculous notion of mom guilt over not creating a magical bedtime experience for my two year old, I was happier too! Bottom line, we make life special for our kids in a variety of ways everyday. Not everything has to be sparkly and full of fairy-dust, and re-pinable for Pinterest. Maybe bedtime can just be bedtime.

(I am fully aware that by publishing this post, my son will likely decide to rage against this cruel new bedtime regime and develop some sort of 2 year sleep regression because #jinxing)

#MotherhoodMonday - Motherhood Misconceptions

Before I became a mother, I thought that the biggest change that motherhood would bring to me as a person, would be the title of "mom". I knew that motherhood would change my lifestyle, my schedule, my body, and my sleep, but I believed that the same "Lindsey" would still be there underneath all the diapers and bottles and stretchy pants. I couldn't have been more wrong. Yes, there are still vestiges of pre-mom Lindsey: my sense of humor, love of chocolate, half-hearted crafting, empathetic crying, and love of losing myself in a good book; but there has been a deep and irrevocable change that has taken place. 

I look at life through a different lens now. I no longer think of just myself and my spouse when making decisions. I also think WAY more long term than I ever have in my previous 35 years. I've always been a bit of a Pollyanna, and while a desire to see the best in people still exists in me, it has been tempered with a more analytical and scrutinous side. 

Becoming a mother also intensified my radar. You know what I mean, that gut-check instinct that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck if something doesn't feel quite right. Motherhood hasn't made me fearful, but it has taught me to trust my instincts and not feel silly if I need to walk away from someplace or someone. 

Motherhood expanded my emotions in ways I didn't know possible. If you've found yourself dealing with a toddler lately you know that you can go from immense pride to frustration to a soul crushing love in a matter of an hour and that is just a Monday. 

I wondered how these changes could be so huge, so encompassing, so drastic. For years it has been chalked up to being a mother's love, but now science has some incredible and exciting things to explain these changes. Hang with me, I'm about to go science nerd on you:

• Your baby is imbedded (literally) in you.  We spend 10 months with our babies in utero; feeding them and literally forming them into existence. That alone would make for a powerful connection and bond, but now scientists have found an even more fascinating link. Cells from your child can travel from the placenta into other parts of your body, taking up residence in your organs. So a little piece of your child(ren) still lives inside you. Scientific American explains it so much better than I do, so check out this article.
• After childbirth, your brain grows. In a 2010 study, researchers looked at brain-scan images of 19 women before an after they gave birth and found that the size of mothers' brains increased shortly after childbirth. I'm guessing we need the increase of gray matter to deal with the intense sleep-deprivation and still function. 
• Becoming a parent looks a lot like falling in love. Moms experience a surge of oxytocin when looking at/feeding/nurturing their babies and this triggers similar responses in the amygdala as those falling in love. It helps explain that crazy wave of love you feel when you hold your newborn (and can't stop sniffing their head). 

So to say that my pre-conceived notion of retaining myself unchanged after motherhood was a misconception would be an understatement. This little man has altered me in all the best ways possible and I wouldn't go back if I could!

Photo Courtesy of Laura Beck Photography

Want to join the fun for next week's #MotherhoodMonday? Email themomwhoblogs@gmail.com for more info!

Follow along with these other awesome moms who joined today's link-up:

Lisa
Alexis
Amber Marie
Farrah
Christy
Racheal
Rebekah
Amber Joy

#MotherhoodMonday - Motherhood Mantras

Happy Monday, friends! I'm joining up with The Mother Blog this week for her #MotherhoodMonday series. If you haven't started following her, link up with her on Instagram @themotherblog! This week's writing theme is Motherhood Mantras. 

man·tra

ˈmantrə/

noun

1. (originally in Hinduism and Buddhism) a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation.

I don't know about you, but sitting quietly repeating a word or sound to calm myself and concentrate doesn't really happen in my home.  I could use a little more zen in my life. So while peaceful, meditative mantras may not be a staple in my home, there are some words I live by and statements I repeat to myself when I feel tired and overwhelmed by it all:

• Don't compare your behind-the-scenes with everyone's highlight reel: I admit it, I struggle with comparison. It's damn near impossible not to. So when I feel that sinking feeling in my gut that my house/hair/clothes/car/vacation/family aren't measuring up to what I see in my news feed, I give myself a social media time out and count my blessings.

• Be Kind, Always: Recently I've had a handful of friends open up to me about personal struggles that I would have had ZERO clue about had they not told me. We don't all wear our hurts and battles on our sleeves, so kindness should always be our default. You never know who is struggling with infertility, marriage troubles, grieving a family member, battling depression, fighting illness, or a plethora of other issues. This also helps me approach my child with kindness. He may be having a tantrum, or acting out, but I try to calm myself and remind myself to approach with kindness. I get down on his level and find out what the problem is. Is he tired, teething, or frustrated that he can't physically do something? I want my son to learn to be kind and who is a better role model than his parent?

• Say Yes: When I was pregnant with my son, a co-worker and mother of 3 grown boys gave me a wonderful nugget of advice. She said, "There will be plenty of times you have to tell your child no. So whenever possible, say yes." This really stuck with me. I remind myself to say yes to my toddler as often as I can in a day. Now, I don't give in to every request for more cookies, but if the thing he's asking isn't going to hurt him, or spoil his dinner, I pretty much say yes. Yes, I'll play blocks with you. Yes, we can color. Yes, mommy will run in circles and chase you. Yes, we can pull all the pillows off the bed and make a fort. Just say yes.

I'm less than 2 years into his parenting gig, but I can tell you that the biggest takeaway so far is that we're all doing our best as we go. When I think back to my parents when they were my age, I remember thinking they were so wise and always knew what to do. Now I know that they were probably just winging it. I'm sure they went to bed at night and looked at each other and were grateful to have made it through another day. So mommas, I give you each a virtual high-five this Monday. We made it through to another week. Let's get out there and wing it. :) 

Want to join the fun for next week's #MotherhoodMonday? Email themomwhoblogs@gmail.com for more info!

While you're reading, check out these other amazing bloggers participating in today's link-up:

The Mother Blog

New and Natural Mom

My MYSPI Baby

Simply The Wild Side
From Engineer to SAHM
Mommie Isn't Made of Money

Lies I Tell My Toddler

Photograph: Peter Glass/Getty Images

No one likes to admit they are a liar, but we all are in small ways. You might tell your co-worker that you have a stomach bug to avoid telling them you're in the throes of morning sickness. Maybe you've told your boss that you needed to take a sick day when in reality, you just needed a mental health day of streaming Netflix in your PJs. I've discovered that my aptitude for deception has increased significantly since becoming a parent. Sometimes you have to tell these sweet beguiling creatures a fib or two so you can get through the day, amiright? Below are just a few of the lies I tell my toddler:

• Oh, I'm sorry baby, the children's museum is closed today.
• We can't watch Daniel Tiger because he had to take a nap (alternately I use, go night-night, go to the potty...basically insert whatever activity I'm attempting to coerce my child into).
• No, mommy isn't eating candy, it's grown-up medicine.

I've also been known to tell my son that the crispy layers of oven-roasted brussels sprouts are "chips" and that roasted red potatoes are "french fries". It's not ill-meant, but sometimes that little lie saves the day. 

I recently read some epic fibs that other parents have told their kiddos that I'm saving for the future. My favorite? Chuck E. Cheese is only for birthday parties and we haven't been invited to one today. BRILLIANT. Parenting win.

So, what lies have you told your littles?

Salt Dough Ornament Fun!

This year we decided that we wanted to nix the all-matching grown-up tree and start making a tree full of memories for our family. Arlo is almost two and we thought it would be fun to buy ornaments for the tree that would remind us of the milestones of this year and some of his favorite things. After shopping online for ornaments, I found the ornaments I wanted weren't cheap or weren't exactly what I wanted. I decided we should go the DIY route and make our own salt dough ornaments.

The options are limitless when you make them yourself and the process really is easy and inexpensive. Plus it's a fun sensory play experience for your little ones!

Here are the supplies needed:

• All purpose flour
• Salt
• Water
• Acrylic paint
• Inexpensive brushes
• Straw
• Ribbon

Most of these you will have lying around your house (especially if you are a craft hoarder like me). If not, you're looking at maybe $15 in supplies.

The recipe I followed calls for:

• 1 cup of flour
• 1 cup of salt
• 1/2 cup of water

First mix the flour and salt together in a large bowl, add the water in slowly and mix together until you have a nice ball of dough. I've played around will some recipes that call for more flour or add in vegetable oil, but I've found this simple recipe makes a great dough. Next you'll want to lightly flour your countertop and roll the dough out. I like to keep mine about a 1/4" thick since I like to do foot & hand print ornaments and don't want the dough to get too thin after the impression. Thinner dough will dry faster though, so go as thick or as thin as you like!

You can use cookie cutters for your shapes. I used a large and small biscuit cutter for our round ornaments. I liked the pinking edge it gave the ornaments, kind of like bottle caps. For the other ornaments, I free cut them out of the dough using a butter knife.

Once cut out, you'll want to use a straw to punch a hole in the ornament so you can thread ribbon through when you're done (don't forget this step!). 

You can leave your ornaments out at room temperature to dry, but this can take days for them to completely harden so you can paint them. I don't have that much patience, so I pop them on a cookie sheet and bake them at 200 degrees for 2 - 3 hours (again, depending on how thick you make the ornaments).

Once they are dry, you can begin to decorate! To commemorate Arlo's favorite things, I incorporated a Daniel Tiger and Cookie Monster ornament. I wanted to make a small car too, but after I cut and baked the dough, it came out looking more like a turtle! Arlo is pretty indifferent to turtles, but we'll tell him he liked them. ;) I also made a reindeer footprint ornament, snowman, and some small ornaments with our initials and the year. The really make our tree feel special and I know we'll enjoy taking them out for years to come. 

Enjoy!

What I Know Now: 9 Year Retrospective

This week my husband and I will celebrate 10 years of knowing one another and 9 years of marriage (yep, we had a whirlwind courtship and engagement - 364 days to be exact!). After 10 years, we know each other's stories, past hurts, and bugaboos, but that doesn't mean we don't trip over them, even still.

Most of you who have been following my blog know that we struggled to have a baby for 7 years. We looked that SOB, Infertility, in the eye together. Me in a paper gown much of the time, him with 3" needles aimed at my rear, but we did it. If I thought that would be the toughest test of the mettle of our relationship, I would be wrong. Our toughest challenge in marriage has been finding "us" after "we" became three. The silver lining of our 7 year trial on the way to baby, was that we had 7 years of just the two of us, and got spoiled by it. For us, marriage was pretty easy when we weren't sleep deprived, trying on the parenting hat for the first time, and struggling to find time to complete a sentence to one another without saying, "No sir, we do not put our toes in our food!"

I mean, get a load of these sweet, young, well-rested people!

5th Wedding Anniversary - Golden, CO

The last 20 months have been some of the most precious, challenging, joyful, and arduous moments of my life. I continue to struggle to find the balance between the different aspects of me (Wife, Mother, Daughter, Friend, Small Business Owner, Writer...) and I'm fairly certain there is no way for it to be done perfectly. I constantly feel like I'm sucking in at least one respect while excelling at others.

After 10 years building a life with this man, I know that marriage is not always easy and that as cliche as it may sound, communication is everything. Any time our relationship has felt strained, it has been because we haven't taken time to connect and communicate. When we make time to focus on our relationship and really talk about things, it's like someone flipped a pressure relief valve in our hearts and in our home. 

Any time I have been asked for marriage advice, I always impart the best advice we received. Ken and I were fortunate to have pre-marital counseling with our then pastor, Brad Cauley. In the last session before our wedding, Brad spent time talking to the two of us about the meaning of the word LOVE. He shared with us about the various words for love in Greek (EROS: romantic, sexual love, STORGE: natural affection between families, PHILEO: friendship, fondness, brotherly love, AGAPE: selfless, sacrificial love). Needless to say the english language has failed us mightily, leaving us with one four letter word to describe everything from how much I LOVE those cute booties, to how much I LOVE my spouse. Instead, Brad offered us a new definition for love in our marriage. He encouraged us to replace "love" with "I want to give you what you need, no matter the cost to myself." That is some big time love, y'all. It's sacrificial. It's putting your spouse first...but if you're both doing it, it's pretty amazing. We don't always hit this mark, but we continue to try.

We have recently made some big lifestyle changes. Ken is going back to school full time and we have substantially downsized our home and expenses. We are pursuing simplification, less stuff, and more memories. I'm excited to see where the next 10 years take us (Good lord, we'll have an almost 12 year old at our 20th anniversary!) This year we are celebrating with a sick toddler. Nothing says, I love you babe, like splitting leftovers by the cool mist of a humidifier, am I right? 

Today, while washing laundry in our semi-gutted kitchen/laundry room (don't worry, a how-to-remodel-a-60-year-old-home-without-killing-each-other blog will follow) I made my husband pinky swear that we will move forward in our next decade together knowing and letting go of the following:

• My husband will leave clothes and shoes and the contents of his pockets where they may fall when he comes home. He will do these things and I will still love him. 
• I will cook only the 4 dishes I'm actually good at and leave all other culinary decisions in his capable hands, because I am no cook, and don't really want to be. I will do this, and he will still love me.

After 10 years together and 9 years of marriage, I figured it was high time we gave one another the best anniversary gift possible. The gift of being ourselves, flaws and all, with the guarantee of love on the other end. 

Thank You Notes

I'm a huge fan of Jimmy Fallon and have been since he was first starting out on SNL. He visited our campus and did his entire routine of musical impressions back in 1999. If you haven't experienced his early stand-up, stop reading now and watch this.  So silly, and good, and to this day still makes me laugh. Now Fallon's moved on to the big time with The Tonight Show and has started one of my favorite bits, Thank You Notes. 

As I continue to try and make gratitude a part of my daily life, I thought I'd jump on the thank you note wagon and pen a few of my own. (Cue The Roots!)

• Thank you, Daniel Tiger, for buying me 30 minutes of "me-time" each morning and for infecting my thoughts with your sing-song voice all day.

• Thank you, mascara, for being the only item in my make-up bag to transform my eyes from "sleep-deprived" to "eh, not too bad."

• Thank you, Mother's Day Out, for giving me 12 hours each week to write, work, and stream Netflix while my son plays and learns about Jesus. Bless it!

• Thank you, fruit snacks, for pretending to be fruit and assuaging my guilt whilst I shovel handfuls to my toddler to stave off a tantrum.

• Thank you, Texas fall for bringing cooler temperatures so I can wear boots and scarves and drink hot coffee drinks when it dips into the low 80s. 

• Thank you, coffee, because...coffee.

• Thank you, Netflix, for finally allowing me to legitimately say that yes, I am a marathoner (just not the running kind).

• Thank you, Amazon Prime, for the convenience of ordering toilet paper, laundry detergent, Halloween candy, razor blades, and toner without leaving my couch.

• And finally...Thank you, black stretchy pants for expanding and not reminding me of these 10 extra pounds like that bitch, skinny jeans, does.

What are the everyday things in your life that make you thankful?