#MotherhoodMonday - Motherhood Motivations

Motherhood and Motivation...those two words haven't always clicked for me. Growing up I was always motivated to do well in school because I loved the positive feedback I would receive. A big fat gold star on my report, a "Book-It" button full of stickers so I could go eat at Pizza Hut, a certificate at the end of the school year for citizenship, and that National Honor Society collar at graduation. As I finished college and entered the work force I was motivated to do good work for the "attagirl"s and end of the year bonuses. I flourish under positive feedback and appreciation, and am motivated to exceed expectations because I definitely do not want to be on the receiving end of a bad performance review.

And then there was motherhood...

I don't know if y'all know this, but newborns don't rain down praise when you soothe them and cure their diaper rash with coconut oil. Toddlers don't high five you when you sneak organic veggies into their diet and manage to teach them their colors in a fun and playful manner. There is no performance review. There is no bonus structure. There is no climbing the ladder, and guess what, there is no absolute right way to do your job. (I shudder)

For a while this frustrated me and scared me. How will I know I am measuring up? What if I fail?! The short answer is, I have no effing clue. Motherhood is the single most amazing and terrifying role to embark upon and carries an incredible responsibility. You mean, I'm charged with shaping the heart and mind of this tiny malleable human? I'm the one who needs to  model empathy, patience, and goodwill towards others? 

So I had a paradigm shift. I began to see the small, day-to-day rewards of motherhood and let those motivate me through sleepless nights and long weary days. I became motivated by:

• Gummy grins (even if they were only because of passing gas)
• Contented sighs
• A heavy tired toddler in my arms
• Messy hands that have been exploring the world
• The first words strung together (Mama, I HUN-GEE! - aka hungry)
• Belly laughs when I make silly faces

These are the gold stars of early motherhood. Recently I've been looking to the future, something I rarely did before becoming a mother. My long-term motivations are raising a brave, confident child who respects others (even if they have different opinions), has empathy for the feelings of those around him, and loves with abandon. It's a tall order, and I hope I'm up to the task. Someone just tell me that I can get a ribbon or gold star when he's a successful, self-sufficient adult, okay?

On a lighter note, here's a list of some of my other Motherhood Motivations:

• Nothing motivates me to work like looking at the clock and realizing I have 30 minutes before Mother's Day Out pick-up.
• Nothing motivates me to move like some French Roast first thing in the morning.
• Nothing motivates me to exercise (y'all, never in my life have I ever wanted to exercise) like the thought of 30 minutes to watch Netflix on the treadmill while my son plays in the gym childcare. Also, I'm motivated to still be moving and shaking by the time he graduates college .(I'll be 56!)
• Nothing motivates me to get through the bedtime routine like knowing my comfy chair, sweats, Hulu, and contraband cookies are waiting for me.

So mommas, tell me, what motivates you?

Don't forget to visit all the other remarkable mommas participating in this week's topic:

Lisa W. http://www.themotherblog.com
Alexis http://www.mrsmombie.com/ 
Farrah http://www.newandnaturalmom.com/ 
Tiffany http://www.stellarmama.com/ 
Natasha http://www.natashabyrd.com/blog 
Heather http://www.frugalsouthernliving.com/
Katie http://www.alwayskatie.com

#Motherhood Monday - Motherhood Miracles

Looking back on motherhood thus far, I can recall plenty of times where I said, "It will be a miracle if..."

• "It will be a miracle if he ever sleeps": Thankfully he now sleeps through the night, even if that "night" ends at 5:30 am.
• "It will be a miracle if I can get him to sleep without rocking or wearing him": He now nestles down in his big boy bed and falls asleep on his own!
• "It will be a miracle if I ever get my bed back": At 20 months, he transitioned smoothly into a twin bed in his own room!
• "It will be a miracle if he ever gives up the bottle": We've now been bottle free for 3 months!

In the midst of the day to day grind of motherhood (wake, coffee, adult, repeat) these milestones can feel so far, so insurmountable that they seem almost miraculous when they happen. But what I really want to talk about today is the miracle of becoming a mother.

I find conception to be pretty damn miraculous.

Did you know that even in your twenties you only have a 20% chance of conceiving each month? If you have healthy eggs, regular ovulation, a partner with good swimmers, a clear path in your fallopian tubes, and you happen to get busy at the precise time of the month that all these align, you still only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant that month. By the time you are 30, that drops to 15% and to 10% at 35. So, to my ladies who got pregnant their first time out of the gate after a few glasses of wine, YOU have a miracle on your hands. 

For me, pregnancy did not come quite so easy. My eggs were the culprit. At 29 years old I was diagnosed with severely diminished ovarian reserve (DOR) basically this meant that at not even 30 years old, I had the eggs (quantity and quality) of a woman in her mid-forties. For the next 7 years we tried a variety of treatments before hauling out the big guns and undergoing Donor Egg IVF. When I say that my son is our miracle baby, I truly mean it. It was a miracle that my faith, marriage, and bank account could withstand infertility (it's a beast. This pic is just the meds I took in preparation for IVF. It does not include the 12 weeks of progesterone shots I took once I was pregnant). 

It was a miracle that we found a donor who although we never met, gave us such a remarkable gift. It was a miracle that this teeny, tiny embryo decided to implant in my womb. 

It was a miracle that he stayed safe and cozy for 41 weeks. And boy was it ever a miracle when he finally found his way into my arms.

Now my miracle is almost TWO and is delighting (and challenging) us daily. It's a miracle I don't smother him in kisses.  I mean, get a load of this cuteness!

So mommas, how are you celebrating the miracles of motherhood today?

As always with #MotherhoodMonday, read the Motherhood Miracles blog posts written by these wonderful women:

The Mother Blog

Mrs. Mombie

From Engineer To SAHM

Mommie Isn't Made of Money

My MSPI Baby

Simply The Wildside

Sweet Right Here

#MotherhoodMonday - Motherhood Misconceptions

Before I became a mother, I thought that the biggest change that motherhood would bring to me as a person, would be the title of "mom". I knew that motherhood would change my lifestyle, my schedule, my body, and my sleep, but I believed that the same "Lindsey" would still be there underneath all the diapers and bottles and stretchy pants. I couldn't have been more wrong. Yes, there are still vestiges of pre-mom Lindsey: my sense of humor, love of chocolate, half-hearted crafting, empathetic crying, and love of losing myself in a good book; but there has been a deep and irrevocable change that has taken place. 

I look at life through a different lens now. I no longer think of just myself and my spouse when making decisions. I also think WAY more long term than I ever have in my previous 35 years. I've always been a bit of a Pollyanna, and while a desire to see the best in people still exists in me, it has been tempered with a more analytical and scrutinous side. 

Becoming a mother also intensified my radar. You know what I mean, that gut-check instinct that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck if something doesn't feel quite right. Motherhood hasn't made me fearful, but it has taught me to trust my instincts and not feel silly if I need to walk away from someplace or someone. 

Motherhood expanded my emotions in ways I didn't know possible. If you've found yourself dealing with a toddler lately you know that you can go from immense pride to frustration to a soul crushing love in a matter of an hour and that is just a Monday. 

I wondered how these changes could be so huge, so encompassing, so drastic. For years it has been chalked up to being a mother's love, but now science has some incredible and exciting things to explain these changes. Hang with me, I'm about to go science nerd on you:

• Your baby is imbedded (literally) in you.  We spend 10 months with our babies in utero; feeding them and literally forming them into existence. That alone would make for a powerful connection and bond, but now scientists have found an even more fascinating link. Cells from your child can travel from the placenta into other parts of your body, taking up residence in your organs. So a little piece of your child(ren) still lives inside you. Scientific American explains it so much better than I do, so check out this article.
• After childbirth, your brain grows. In a 2010 study, researchers looked at brain-scan images of 19 women before an after they gave birth and found that the size of mothers' brains increased shortly after childbirth. I'm guessing we need the increase of gray matter to deal with the intense sleep-deprivation and still function. 
• Becoming a parent looks a lot like falling in love. Moms experience a surge of oxytocin when looking at/feeding/nurturing their babies and this triggers similar responses in the amygdala as those falling in love. It helps explain that crazy wave of love you feel when you hold your newborn (and can't stop sniffing their head). 

So to say that my pre-conceived notion of retaining myself unchanged after motherhood was a misconception would be an understatement. This little man has altered me in all the best ways possible and I wouldn't go back if I could!

Photo Courtesy of Laura Beck Photography

Want to join the fun for next week's #MotherhoodMonday? Email themomwhoblogs@gmail.com for more info!

Follow along with these other awesome moms who joined today's link-up:

Lisa
Alexis
Amber Marie
Farrah
Christy
Racheal
Rebekah
Amber Joy

Postpartum Redux

This precious photo popped up in my Timehop app yesterday. 

Tiny, sleepy, 8 day old Arlo. Look at that adorable little man! I was immediately filled with nostalgia for the time when he was so small and wasn't a flurry of constant motion. Then I really started to reflect on those first weeks of his life and remembered just how HARD that time was. 

I wouldn't categorize myself as having had postpartum depression, but I will tell you that my days were not full of sunshine and new motherhood bliss. I remember feeling guilty for not feeling like the moms in the diaper commercials. Why wasn't I wearing a white linen gown and gazing blissfully at a fat, cherubic newborn? Why was I instead in the same yoga pants for 3 days with spit up on my softest college t-shirt swaying a colicky baby?

If I could go back to brand new momma Lindsey and hold her hand, I would tell her so many things:

1. This crazy surge of love, despair, hope and bewilderment is normal. Your body has been through a HUGE change, your hormones are all over the place. You will cry from happiness at how precious this perfect little life is, and then start to cry from exhaustion. You will cry for no apparent reason, and that's okay too.
2. Your baby is adjusting to this big, strange, new world. He's not crying because you're a failure at this parenthood gig. He just doesn't have any other way to communicate. Be patient. You will learn what his little cries mean very soon and be able to soothe him like no other!
3. Get the eff off the internet! Yes, the internet can be a fantastic resource when you find your community (and you will), but for the love of all that is holy, quit Googling every single thing that pops in your head during a 1am feeding. You will make yourself and your husband, crazy!
4. You can't spoil/ruin your baby. Do you feel better when you wear your baby close to you? Do it! Do you want to rock that baby to sleep at night? Do it! Does safe co-sleeping make sense for your family? Do it! Before you know it, that little baby will be an independent little guy and you will be glad you stole every one of those snuggles. 
5. Ask for help. Admit when you need help. It doesn't mean you are weak or a bad mother. It means you are smart. So many people love you and want to help you and your new family. Let them. 
6. Trust your instincts. You are his momma. You two just spent 40+ weeks together. You know him and will learn what is best for him and your family. Just because every other mom on the block isn't doing what you are doing doesn't make it wrong.
7. You will sleep again. It won't be like pre-baby sleep. Just let that fantasy go. :) But one day soon, your baby will sleep for a 4 hour stretch! You will be amazed at how refreshed you will feel with a 4 hour stretch of sleep. Then he will sleep longer, and a little longer. Eventually the bone-numbing tired feeling will lift. Hang in there.
8. Stop judging other moms by their Instagram feeds. Yes, your friend seems to have all her $%*# together. Yes, her 6 month old sleeps alone, happily in her crib for 12 hours straight. Awesome. Guess what? I PROMISE you there is another area of parenthood that sucks for her. Maybe her toddler won't let go of the bottle. Maybe her little one is hopelessly addicted to their pacifier. Maybe she has the awful task of doing an elimination diet to figure out what is upsetting her newborn's tummy. Whatever it is, all moms have some cross to bear. We all struggle in some area. Comparison is the thief of joy, sister!
9. Know that it does get better. One day soon, that baby that will only sleep when you drive him around in the car will snuggle down in your arms and drift off to sleep soundly. One day soon, that baby who has such terrible reflux will be able to eat without pain. One day soon, when changing yet another diaper, that baby will give you the world's best baby laugh and you will cry at just how beautiful the sound is. Hang in there momma, it's about to get so much better.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Party for Arlo!

You know the adage that all moms impart to new moms, "It goes so fast"? Well, turns out they all say it because it's true. Somehow those incredibly long sleepless nights morph quickly into a blur of firsts. My baby boy will be ONE in just a few days. That seems so fantastically crazy that an entire year has passed since we welcomed him into the world, yet here we are with a toddling, babbling, wild-haired little man. Sounds like a reason to celebrate to me!

I began formulating an idea for Arlo's birthday party theme when he was about 6 months old and thanks to Pinterest, I had a nice space to stash my design ideas until party time. I always thought a nautical theme would be fun since my husband is a Navy vet, but ultimately decided to steer the ship (har, har, har!) towards a pirate party!

Below are some pics of the fun with links to some of the ideas I used:

Pirate map walkway: We used black and red duct tape to create a map to the front door complete with an "X" marking the spot of the party.

Photo Booth: I have a friend who is an alum from Southwestern University in Georgetown (the Pirates) who lent me loads of pirate decor. I wanted to use some of her cute props to have a photo backdrop for our guests to get creative.

Homemade (and easy) pirate costume: One thing you'll learn about me is that I'm always game to dress up in a costume for any occasion, so of course I wanted to match the theme of the party! I don't know if you have looked at women's pirate costumes, but let me tell you, they wouldn't have been appropriate for a momma at a one-year old's birthday party! Cue Pinterest! I found this awesome inspiration for a pirate costume and this quick tutorial for a t-shirt vest. I grabbed some red & black fabric from JoAnn's for the sash and headband and paired with my own jeans and black boots. Voila, instant pirate! 

Pirate Buffet: I wanted to try and match most of the food to the theme, so I got creative with naming my regular party food staples with fun pirate-y names and printed up some cute cards labeling the fare. Here is the recipe for the Pirate Punch and Scallywag Sangria. Both were a big hit! We used a local baker Tasty Bakes & Patty Cakes for our cakes. I sent her a picture of a cake I saw on Pinterest and she replicated it beautifully!

Fruit Swords

Seaweed Dip

Scurvy Busters! (Cutie clementines with pirate faces)

Pirate Punch for the kiddos and Scallywag Sangria for the adults. 

Birthday Cake and Smash Cake 

Photo Banner: One of the things I've been diligent about this year, has been taking a photo of Arlo each month in his glider so you can see how he changes from month to month. All along I had in mind hanging up his pictures at his first birthday so we could see his transformation. This was my favorite part! I love seeing him grow from an itty bitty baby into this fun little toddler!

We were surrounded by lots of family and friends. There were kiddos running in and out of the house and plenty of laughter. I'm so thrilled with how everything came together and that we had such  special day to celebrate our tiny buccaneer! :)

A Letter to Arlo

My little man. In my eyes you are perfection. Just when I think my heart is full, you do something to make it grow a little more. You are 11.5 months old and keeping me on my toes more than ever. You are walking laps around our little home, crawling off the furniture, laughing, baby talking, and eating up a storm. You finally have two teeth with two more on the way. You are challenging, funny, headstrong, and according to your Honey and PawPaw "very advanced". 

You love to play with your books and frequently shove them into our hands and demand to be read to.  You blow raspberries and take delight in making tooting noises on the back of your hand when I'm trying to settle you down for bedtime. When a song with a strong beat comes on you stop what you're doing and start shaking your diaper clad booty.

I feel like you're starting to comprehend the things I tell you. You like to shake your head "no" at me when you know you're doing something you shouldn't, but then continue doing it anyway. You delight in throwing all the food off your tray when you decide you're done eating. I keep thinking we need to get a dog to clean up after you.

You have the most amazing head of baby hair. Everywhere we go strangers comment on it and want to touch it. You were born with striking blue eyes and while people told us that they might change colors, yours have just become brighter. When you master a new activity you look at me with the sweetest smile as if to say, "did you see that mom?!"

Somedays you take all of my energy, attention, and strength. I won't lie...there are times when I countdown until bedtime so I can rest, recharge, and have uninterrupted time with your daddy. The funny thing is, once you're asleep and we're alone, we still talk about you and laugh about what you did that day.

I hoped and prayed to be a mom. It was a long journey, and at times I doubted I would ever hold you. My love, you were worth the wait.

How does she do it? Babywearing!

Before having a baby, I thought, "I should get one of those carrier thingys" and that was the end of my thought process on babywearing and I honestly hadn't even heard that term yet. As I do with most purchases, I started doing a little research into infant carriers and came across the term "Babywearing" and realized that there was much more to learn.

Anyone who has seen The Hangover has seen a Baby Bjorn and understands the concept...baby is close and your hands are free, but I had no idea how many carriers there were to choose from, the benefits of wearing your little one, and the community of awesome babywearers I would meet.

For us, we immediately found several benefits to wearing Arlo:

Helps with colic/reflux: Arlo had acid reflux and needed to be held upright for an hour after each feeding. When you're feeding your newborn every couple of hours, this means you are in essence holding baby ALL DAY LONG. With baby wearing, I was able to feed him and tuck him in close to me. He would doze off and I would be hands free to work. AMAZING!

Tummy time replacement: Arlo really, really hated being placed on his tummy. Probably due to his reflux and his stubborn nature that he comes by naturally. :) Tummy time has become necessary since we have adopted the Back to Sleep campaign. Babies spend much of their time on their backs (in a crib, stroller, pack and play, carseat, etc.) All of this time can lead to a flattening of the back of the head and weaker neck muscles.  I'll be honest with you, we did tummy time maybe 5 times in the traditional sense. The melt down hysterics just weren't worth it. Thankfully, I found out that babywearing doubles as tummy time! When baby is in an upright position in a carrier, their core muscles are constantly working. 

More Happiness / Less Crying: Babies who are worn reportedly cry 43% less and 54% less during evening hours. I personally believe in the 9 months in, 9 months out philosophy. Our babies come into the world needing comfort, reassurance and touch. What easier way to accomplish this than babywearing? Plus, when babies are worn they get more adult interaction. They are at eye-level with the big people and can see and experience more of the world. :)

A Happier Momma: Studies have shown that babywearing can decrease postpartum depression. While I didn't have this struggle, I did find I was much happier babywearing. I felt freedom to get things done around the house, venture out to run errands, and just get out in some fresh air for a walk without the burden of carrying a carseat, juggling a stroller, or exhausting my arms. I hosted a bridal shower when Arlo was 6 weeks old with him snuggly against me in a sling, we went to a farm and met some friendly and not shy goats,  and Arlo even went with me into the voting booth on election day! 

I'd also like to debunk some of the myths surrounding babywearing and common misconceptions we heard from others:

"It's all just a little too crunchy for me" I have met babywearers from all backgrounds. Working professionals, stay at home moms, hipsters, hippies, you name it. There's nothing "crunchy" about wanting to meet your baby's needs while not having your arms fall off. :)

"Aren't you worried he'll be too clingy?" Nope. I don't think you can spoil babies. They aren't milk! Arlo is now 11 months old and likes to play independently, goes to other caregivers happily (most of the time), and is all about trying to do things himself. 

"He'll never learn to walk if you carry him all the time" All that  wearing doubles as tummy time (see above). Arlo began crawling at 7 months, pulling up at 8 months and took his first steps at 10 months. (Note: I understand all babies develop at different rates, just trying to make the point that babywearing didn't stunt or slow his development)

So you think you might want to babywear but don't know where to start? 

I started out with a Moby wrap. This is a pretty popular beginners wrap. They are sold at major retailers like Target, and are relatively inexpensive ($40 - $50 new). You can also frequently find these at resale stores like Kid 2 Kid and Once Upon A Child in the $15 - $20 range. The Moby is essentially one really long piece of fabric that you wrap around your body and tuck baby into. It takes some practice to get comfortable with the wrap, but I highly recommend this for starting out and until the baby is about 15 lbs.

Once Arlo got a little bigger we switched over to an Ergo Baby Soft Structured Carrier. I'll likely be able to use this until he's about 2 years old so at $120 it's been a sound investment and just about the only piece of baby gear that we use absolutely every day. 

If you're unsure about which carrier will work best for you, check to see if there is a Babywearing International Chapter in your area. Not only are these groups amazing for education, support, and meeting other mommas, they offer lending libraries so you can rent a carrier for a month to see if you like it before making the investment. :)

Happy babywearing!

Christmas is Magic

I love Christmas. I always have. For years, I've looked forward to celebrating this beautiful season with a child in our lives. This year we were blessed with the birth of our little man and having him in our lives has made Christmas even more special. There really is something magical about viewing the holiday through a child's eyes. 

Our little elf

I may have gone a little Griswold a little early this year. I set up these adorable inflatable Christmas decorations and our tree the day after Halloween.  Momma was a little excited. Arlo delighted in seeing the lights and new characters. 

I made some salt dough handprint ornaments to commemorate Arlo's first Christmas using this recipe. I loved how they turned out. Not perfect, but unique and sweet memories for us to hang on the tree for years to come. 

Even though he's only 10.5 months old, we wanted to start our family traditions. We read The Night Before Christmas, The Polar Express and Song of the Stars. Ken and I watched Christmas Vacation while playing Santa's helpers and assembling Arlo's new toys. Rookie parent mistake, we didn't check our parts until Christmas Eve and were missing some. Arlo's new 4x4 Cozy Coupe didn't get assembled until the day after Christmas, but he clearly didn't miss out!

We were so thankful to be less than an hour from my parents so after opening gifts at home on Christmas morning we were able to spend the afternoon celebrating with family.

I hope your Christmas season was filled with family and fun! What traditions do you and your family celebrate?

Letting you in on our secret

So, I'm just going to come out and say it with no preamble. I bed share. Now before you all jump up with pitchforks and torches, let me tell you a little bit about how and why we got here.

Before Arlo was born, I purchased a used co-sleeper to place right next to our bed, for what I thought would be just the first few months of his life. Then we would transition to his crib...across the house...in his own room. You know what they say about the best laid plans right? 

For the first few months he did sleep in his itty bitty co-sleeper, right next to the bed. But as he got older and bigger (this child came into the world at 23.75" long for crying out loud!) the co-sleeper was no longer an option. We tried the pack & play, but he was so low to the ground that it made night time feedings difficult and he did not go back to sleep easily in that contraption. So I pulled that beautiful baby into the bed with me. Safely and cautiously I might add. There are loads of resources on how to safely bed share with your littles and I highly recommend Dr. Sears' website if you want to learn more. 

Here we are and Arlo is almost 9 months old and we are still happily bed sharing. He still naps in his crib each day and when I put him down for the night around 7:00, he goes to sleep in his room in his crib (I don't feel safe leaving him alone in our room on the bed without me, and momma and daddy need our evening downtime/alone-time). When he wakes around 10:00 I scoop him up, soothe him and bring him to bed.  We both get the most sleep this way and it works for our family.

So why the blog post? I have been keeping this largely a secret because of the strong opinions bed sharing often elicits and I'm quite frankly tired of it. So I decided to out myself. I'm a bed sharer, and I love it. I love sleeping next to the sweetest little chunk of baby there ever was. I love getting 5 - 7 hour stretches of sleep, rolling over, feeding him re-diapering him, and both of us dozing back off for another stretch of snooze until it's time to wake up for the day. I love feeling close to my little man and meeting his physical and emotional needs at night time without having to stumble bleary-eyed across the house.

This is not an attempt to convert anyone to bed sharing. If sleeping separately works for you, I think that's awesome. As I've said before, I think the best decisions you can make as a parent are the ones that keep you and your family happy and healthy. Bed sharing just happens to do that for the Gages.

I don't know how long we will do this. Each night he sleeps a little longer in his crib before crying out for me, and I think he may be ready to let go of his night-time feeding soon. When that happens, we may make the leap to his own room, but until then we snuggle safely in our bed and I don't care who knows it.

Why your mom was wrong and you probably are too

When I FINALLY got pregnant, I enthusiastically began reading everything about pregnancy and life with a newborn that I could get my hands on. Books, blogs, pamphlets from my doctor, you name it. I remember feeling giddy with all the knowledge available at my fingertips and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information all at once. 

I researched and scoured safety websites to pick out the top-rated infant carseat system for our little man. I went to a fire station and asked for tips on installation. I watched YouTube videos for properly buckling in your little one and once he was here, followed each step to make sure he was safe and sound. Yet, some of my fondest memories are of bouncing around the rear cargo area in my family's Suburban during cross country road trips. No safety seats, no seat belts, just a pallet of blankets, our favorite stuffed toy and the world's longest game of I-Spy. 

Once our little one was here, fresh and new and wobbly in this world I wanted to do everything I could to nurture and protect him. I knew that you should always place an infant on their back to sleep to reduce their risk of SIDS, but after yet another sleepless night with a colicky, reflux-ridden newborn, I pulled that baby into my bed and slept with him against my chest. It was a fitful night. Mainly for me as I stressed about how he wasn't on his back in his co-sleeper. Arlo, on the other hand, slept for the longest stretch since birth that night. When I told my mother this she said "We always put our babies to sleep on their bellies. It was just the way we were told to do things." 

Fast forward 4 months. We began to introduce Arlo to solids (not sure why we call them that since they are essentially pureed within an inch of being liquids). I told my mom how he wasn't quite ready since he still thrusts his tongue out and isn't sure how to swallow food from a spoon just yet. She responded, "Oh, just put that rice cereal directly in his bottle. He'll love it, and he'll sleep through the night." At my next appointment, I asked about the rice cereal in his bottle and she advised against it saying it can lead to overfeeding and obesity. 

It's always something, right?

All of this got me to thinking about how we parent. We listen to other parents, talk to our pediatricians, and search the internet in a vain attempt to piece together some semblance of a user's manual for these tiny little people. Spoiler alert...there isn't one. We're all just doing the best we can with the information at hand, just like our parents did. Our parents weren't wrong, or oblivious to our safety, they were just doing what worked and what was understood to be the best at the time. For crying out loud, in the 1930's in America, women put their babies in outdoor cages hanging from windows! 

It makes me wonder what the future of infant care will be 30 years from now. I can just picture me standing over Arlo's shoulder as he tries to get his baby down to sleep whispering how we always swaddled our babies and him rolling his eyes and telling me how the most recent AAP study firmly recommends against it. 

Let's be gracious to our mother's and hope our kiddos will do the same to us! 

Badassery and other musings

We've all done it. Deflected a compliment with a self-depricating quip, downplayed a talent or gift as "oh, it's nothing", guffawed when someone tells us we look pretty and reply "yeah, if only I could lose the last of this baby weight." I caught myself doing this recently and realized it has become a pattern, and I'd like it to stop.

I'm not sure when it became the norm for so many women and mothers to brush off our badassery (yes, I said badassery). Maybe it's just reverting to some old-school expectation for us to be demure, soft-spoken, ladies who eat cucumber tea sandwiches and always sit with our ankles crossed. I don't know about you, but I have opinions, love a good steak and find myself crawling around on all fours with my baby more often than sitting in any sort of dainty position!

The other day I was at the park with my 8 month old son and snapped this pic of the two of us. Get a load of how he looks at me:

He looks at me like I can do ANYTHING. When he cries and I pick him up, he is instantly happier. When I walk in a room he lights up like I am a supermodel, Pulitzer Prize winner, and Olympian all rolled into one. I don't want to do anything to diminish his faith in me. I know I will stumble, be cross, and lose my patience and some of that beautiful veneer he sees will smudge away and show that mommy is human, but why aid that process by diminishing myself and my worth in his eyes? 

I want my son to grow up with a healthy sense of confidence and what better way for me to do that than exhibit it myself. I'm not suggesting egotism or becoming overtly prideful, just simply seeing our value and being okay with recognition. I also want him to grow up and value and respect women. I want him to have an example of a strong, capable, talented, loving mother so that when he's older he will see and value those characteristics in a future partner.

It's a lofty goal, but I will strive to speak in positive tones about myself, accept compliments and praise with grace and gratefulness, and try to be the woman in my son's eyes. 

Saying Farewell to Mommy Guilt

There are certain things you expect when you bring home your newborn baby. You can count on a lack of sleep, a plethora of dirty diapers, and for your home to be consumed by baby gear.  Then there are the surprising things that no one tells you about. For instance, people will ask you INCREDIBLY personal questions in group settings, on conference calls, while in line at the grocery store, you name it! "Oh what a beautiful baby, are you breastfeeding?" "Such a blessing. Was it a vaginal birth or Cesarean?" Yes. I've been asked point blank about my vagina by strangers! Manners, folks! There are also the super sexy panties they give you in the hospital. No one told me that both me and the baby would be going home from the hospital in diapers. Just Google it, I'd prefer not to dwell on it. On top of those surprises there are the WIDE range of emotions you experience in your first postpartum weeks. Love, self-doubt, joy, sadness, and the most difficult for me, mommy guilt.

After 6.5 years of trying to conceive, you would think that once our little one arrived, I would settle into the bliss of motherhood, and in many ways I have. I love watching him wake up and give me a big gummy grin because he loves me and knows I'm his mama. I love listening to his cooing noises on the baby monitor when he naps during the day. I love how much he needs me and how I can calm him and soothe him when he's upset. These are all things I can say now. Weeks 1 - 5 were another story. 

Our precious man came home and was FUSSY. Wait, fussy doesn't really do it justice. At least 6 hours a day (basically when he wasn't sleeping) were spent in a struggle to nurse an angry baby who didn't want to latch or have anything to do with my boob, who was only happy once we gave him a bottle of formula (ouch to the mama ego), and still cried inexplicably even after he seemed satiated. Many nights were spend strapping him in the carseat and driving in circles around our neighborhood as it was the only activity that would stop the crying and lull him into sleep. Both me and Ken were ragged around the edges with lack of sleep, and frustration at why we were obviously sucking at this parenting gig.

It was particularly hard for me. I was completely jacked up on the roller coaster of postpartum hormones and desperately wanting to seem like I had it all together. I wanted this for so long. I didn't want to finally be a mom and fail at the task, or seem ungrateful for our amazing miracle. As is my M.O. I wanted to hide this struggle. I didn't want to ask for help. Thankfully my husband knew better. He enlisted the help of a good friend to take me and the baby to Dr.'s appointments, my family to come over and watch Arlo so I could shower or nap, and my best friend to come stay with me for a few days while I was recovering.

Eventually, after meeting with a lactation consultant and sufficiently torturing myself about it, I decided to stop trying to nurse. Arlo was unhappy and unsatisfied with my measly output and I was heartbroken at yet again not being able to do what my body was supposed to do. It has been a tough decision to make while knowing that "breast is best". How could I not give him the best?!? Difficult as it was it was the right call for us. Instead of dreading each feeding time, I now enjoy looking down at my chubby, happy, formula fed baby while he takes his bottle. I know that we are bonding through that time much more than we were through his red-faced crying at my attempts to nurse him. We also discovered that part of his scream-a-palooza (even with the formula) was due to painful reflux and have gotten him on medicine as well as OTC gas drops. AMAZING the difference those little drops have made.

So why share all this? In a previous post, I spoke about wanting to live an authentic life. Part of that authenticity is blogging about the real-deal life stuff that most people would rather hide. It's easy to try to fake having it all together. Post sweet pictures of your baby sleeping on your Facebook and never mention that this was a brief moment of bliss in an otherwise crappy day. I'm also trying to shed a little light on the issue of mommy guilt. We beat ourselves up over whether or not we are doing everything right for our little ones and to be honest, we sit in judgement of other women if we think they aren't. There seems to be a rush post-delivery to declare your parenting style. Are you attachment parenting? Will you use the Ferber method? Co-Sleeping? Breastfeeding? Formula Feeding? Will you wear your baby in wraps and slings or push them in a stroller? There is an endless array of decisions to make and you feel that each of them will dramatically impact the development and psyche of your child. 

So what are we doing? What is our parenting philosophy? I've decided that we will be adopting the "Pro-Arlo and what works for our family" method. I'm trying to trust that I am the expert on my baby (scary thought) and no one knows him like I do. I'm also trying to let go of guilty feelings and realize that I'm giving him my very best 100% of the time. So here we are, doing our very best and loving this little man like crazy.